... of the proverbial tunnel looks more like the spotlight used in dark interrogation rooms than a welcomed bit of lucid salvation at the moment.
The past few weeks have been rather brutal. It's been a batten-down-the-hatches-and-hunker-down kind of time. And now that things have calmed down, I find myself rather nervous, perhaps a bit untrusting that I can, indeed, stick my arms, legs, head and body of of the cave I've crawled into and take a peek at the sunshine without fear of being bombarded again...
It's a curious thing, to try and re-enter one's life. I've experienced this phenomenon many, many times. You know, the feeling of being an alien in one's own skin (or house, or job, or whatever...) I feel as though I need to jump up and down and test every floorboard in my home for soundness, kick the tires of my car and then dust, polish and clean everything around me thoroughly.
Actually, my house probably could use a good spring cleaning now that I think about it... Is it still spring? No? August, you say?
Close enough.
The odd thing about this time around, this time of testing and cleaning and renewal, is that I don't feel like jumping in headfirst. I know that there's a hard-stop ahead. I'll be moving abroad soon, and I don't want to throw myself back into my old life, caution to the wind and all that. I want to bottle up all of that creative energy and save it. I want to throw it all into a new life, one that I don't have yet.
And I don't think that's quite healthy. What do you think? I think I have to get over this over-abundance of caution that I'm feeling right now and keep living the heck outta this life, every day.
I have the opportunity to go to several activities and retreats in the next few months. Sailing lessons. A trip to Tahoe. Camping the coast. Normally I'd jump at the opportunities. But I feel slightly... blasé about everything right now. Perhaps it's the self-preservation instinct still going strong. And if so, I need to something drastic, like hurl myself out of a plane with a parachute strapped to my back to overcome it. Maybe. Probably not.
Why not?
But meanwhile, while I'm getting over the interim doldrums and preparing for so many things all at once, I'm stretching my legs, poking them cautiously out of my silk cocoon and testing my newfound wings, getting ready to fly, in this life and keep on going, all the way to Italy next year.
What are you up to, lately?
The past few weeks have been rather brutal. It's been a batten-down-the-hatches-and-hunker-down kind of time. And now that things have calmed down, I find myself rather nervous, perhaps a bit untrusting that I can, indeed, stick my arms, legs, head and body of of the cave I've crawled into and take a peek at the sunshine without fear of being bombarded again...
It's a curious thing, to try and re-enter one's life. I've experienced this phenomenon many, many times. You know, the feeling of being an alien in one's own skin (or house, or job, or whatever...) I feel as though I need to jump up and down and test every floorboard in my home for soundness, kick the tires of my car and then dust, polish and clean everything around me thoroughly.
Actually, my house probably could use a good spring cleaning now that I think about it... Is it still spring? No? August, you say?
Close enough.
The odd thing about this time around, this time of testing and cleaning and renewal, is that I don't feel like jumping in headfirst. I know that there's a hard-stop ahead. I'll be moving abroad soon, and I don't want to throw myself back into my old life, caution to the wind and all that. I want to bottle up all of that creative energy and save it. I want to throw it all into a new life, one that I don't have yet.
And I don't think that's quite healthy. What do you think? I think I have to get over this over-abundance of caution that I'm feeling right now and keep living the heck outta this life, every day.
I have the opportunity to go to several activities and retreats in the next few months. Sailing lessons. A trip to Tahoe. Camping the coast. Normally I'd jump at the opportunities. But I feel slightly... blasé about everything right now. Perhaps it's the self-preservation instinct still going strong. And if so, I need to something drastic, like hurl myself out of a plane with a parachute strapped to my back to overcome it. Maybe. Probably not.
Why not?
But meanwhile, while I'm getting over the interim doldrums and preparing for so many things all at once, I'm stretching my legs, poking them cautiously out of my silk cocoon and testing my newfound wings, getting ready to fly, in this life and keep on going, all the way to Italy next year.
What are you up to, lately?
I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I should keep the "things I want to do" hidden until our next life change/move. But, then I'm not really living. What if we don't move? Am I wasting time? Yes. I should be living the heck out of this life and making the most of it. But, sometimes I just too tired.
ReplyDeleteExcited about you moving over here. Well, Europe I mean. Hope I get to spend lots of time with you. I see many girls trip weekends in our future. At least, I'm banking on them! Passport first though. Ha! I'm such a slacker.