Mount of Beatitudes + A Game of 'Interpret That Sign!'

Most of Israel's highways and landmarks are incredibly well marked by signs in English, Arabic and Hebrew. It is nearly impossible to drive more than fifteen minutes without seeing a sign for some famous landmark, a biblical site or place of historic significance.

So after our somewhat out-of-the-way stop at Tsafed, near the Sea Lake of Galilee, we spotted a sign for the Mount of Beatitudes and decided a quick stop was in order, after all, how often is one in Israel? So we pulled off at the turn and found ourselves staring at... not exactly what we'd envisioned the place the Sermon on the Mount was delivered to look like.

We were at a convent.

There was a church, a gift shop with a cafe and espresso stop, a big nunnery, a series of immaculately groomed lawns, a great view of the Sea of Galilee, some of the weirdest looking gardens I've ever seen, a CACTUS TREE and one of the best, easy to misinterpret "Do Not" signs in the history of the human race.

A photo essay:

The Sea of Galilee. The hills around the "sea" are mostly covered in food crops now, including a LOT of banana trees.

 The Church

 One of the strange little garden areas... this fountain totally looks like something that belongs in the movie, The Goonies, at least to me.

 CACTUS.TREE. Tree on bottom. Cactus on top. Seriously. Mind. Blown.

The best "Do Not..." sign ever. No Doberman Pincers. No short pants and socks without shoes. Always whisper seductively. No cutting martini glasses with forks and knives. No guns. No Smoking.

Get Thee To a Nunnery...

Let me just say, America needs more convents.
Well.
Convent guest houses.
Or maybe hostels.
Or maybe just cool places to stay with rich histories that aren't chain hotels and have some character and don't cost an arm and a leg...

Am I asking too much? Maybe.

...And not that there's anything wrong with Convents. I'm just not Catholic and being Mormon, I believe in marriage over cloistering. But anyway.

So I got me to a nunnery. And not just me. Two of my friends as well! And we, contrary to what one would think of those staying at a convent, lived.it.up, my friends! I mean, sure we had to be in by 11pm every night, but let's just face it, none of we three friends were the drinker/partier type and after long days of walking all over old Jerusalem, we were all in bed by 10pm most nights anyway.

Yah. Party like a nun. In old Jerusalem. Good times.

But let me just tell you how very amazingly cool our convent was/is.

It was the coolest. Amen.

It IS between the second and the third stations of the cross, and is supposedly the place where Pilot decreed "Behold the Man" (Ecce Homo) of Christ. (A point of contention is that recent archaeologists have decreed this to be impossible, but it is what it is, and most of the "You are HERE" sites in Jerusalem are all sites decreed to be such by someone in power, at some point in history, not necessarily the *real* site of whatever you're looking for.)

Other attractions of this fine traveler's haven: An ancient Roman cistern and ruins lay on the bottom level and can be explored.

Winding passages and dozens of ways around inside of the expanded-over-time and spans-multiple-streets complex, this convent is definitely the stuff that stories are made of. Also, arguably, there was a visitor on a top secret mission from the Vatican staying at the convent, which should be an attraction for all visitors of convents as it is all kinds of conspiracy-theory-entertaining.

And the view! Oh, the view. Arguably, the most beautiful views of the entire old city can be seen from the balconies at the convent. Stunning! Breathtaking! Amazing! *Insert Your Own Adjective Here!* Queue choirs of heavenly angels!