Buyer's Remorse

I did it.
I booked my tour, hotels and most of my flights (save one... because I really can't decide what to do after Cairo). And with the new year, my four and a half month countdown is so real it's practically screaming at me. I'm so excited I can barely keep my toe tapping to a minimum at work. Now I strap in, buckle up, bear down. Now I scrimp and save and cut out the frivolity in my budgeting so that I can actually go on this trip comfortably. Over-prepare now. Then go with the flow.

Now the weight of what I've done sets in. It shocks me: I've really just decided to go to specific places, I've pinned down the dream vacation (this year's)... No more lazy days of wondering where I'll go and what I'll do when I get there. No more TripAdvisor top 10 lists (and thereafter maniacal bouts of research on those places). There is something more specific in the air now. Rome, Jordan. Egypt... (And maybe Naples, Capri, Pompeii too?)

But what of Marrakesh, Casablanca, Tangier? Athens, Cyprus, Crete? Capetown, Tel Aviv, Sydney, Jerusalem, Bali, Istanbul? What happened to sailing around the Caribbean in a 40-foot sailboat? What about San Juan?

These un-traveled-to places taunt me. They whisper mean things to me, much like a Mother who wants a visit: "Why aren't you coming here this year? Why aren't you here now? How could you think to pass us over like that? And just how much longer do you think you can keep up these crazy, unbridled travels before you stop?" I just smile back at them and say "You don't know me at all do you?... Well, except you, San Juan, my love." And I wink at San Juan. He smiles back that dark and devastatingly addictive tropical smile. I waver and think to run back to him. But only for a second.

And then we all sit quietly together in my head. Hands folded neatly in laps, feet tapping the floor.

Because the elephant in the room for all of us is that they don't know me. And I don't know them. Not yet. Perhaps not this year. But in the years to come, who knows? And anyway, places don't know people. Places don't care about people, they only care about being the ever-changing yet always true to itself place that they are. But people can know places, and I will know those places, and that is my point.

Just for now, wait. Wait. I'll be there soon. And I'm not remorseful.